Ways to freak out non-broody/non-breeder types

1. Discuss any pregnancy symptoms in great detail, the following are a good starting point:

- Haemorrhoids

- Bladder weakness

- Stretchmarks

- Oedema (swollen ankles, fingers etc)

2. Explain what an episiotomy is, with bonus points for going into details on how you can tear either forward or backwards if you don;t have one and aren't careful!

3. Informing them that you can bleed for up to six weeks after birth - makes being on the blob look like a doddle eh?

4. For girls, just tell them exactly how much weight you've put on.... works especially well with skinny girls!

Torture is fun. What I lack in waistline and bladder control, I can redeem with just being plain evil! Tee hee!