Bump Watch@BBC 30th April 2009

"If an earlier pregnancy test was negative, and you still feel you may be pregnant (no sign of your period, for example) then take another test – there may be more hormone present now in your urine for the test to detect."

The original test still has its two lines, plus the morning sickness and the cramps, don't think I need take another! Just fingers crossed for the scan tomorrow!

Bless the midwives

Just had a call from the midwives (sounds like a cult of something!), picking up on my voicemail from earlier this week. I told her about my emergency scan tomorrow and she's kindly squeezed me in for an extra appointment on Tuesday. I'll still have my 'booking' appointment on the 14th I think, but at least I'll be a bit more reassured with the scan and this check up, maybe it'll finally bring my blood pressure down!

"Emergency! Paging Dr Bean", I mean "Beat"...

Went to see the lovely Dr Brodie, who's referred me for an emergency scan tomorrow morning, to check for ectopic pregnancy. I'm hoping it's just as a precaution, rather than a real possibility. The doc didn't seem to concerned and all in all I feel positive, as I hopefully get to see the mini bean (aka the bun in the oven) tomorrow.

The ME/CFS is still driving me crazy, feel like I did 4 years ago, only pregnant too! Dr Brodie, who's an ME specialist, advised that my ME might improve throughout the pregnancy, but this might kick in after the first trimester. I also found that she craved tomatoes and juice too, and I was the only other person I'd come across who did! Small world...

Better sign off, typing through the brain fog is tricky... meeble....

PS Here's the song...

Elsie Maud

An Elsie Maud is a pregnant girl's best friend. Whenever I'm anxious, I can have a little stroke and cuddle, and all seems a bit brighter, melting away with her chainsaw purr...

Not sure she'll be a new mum's best friend, with the demands for feeding at 6am...

Woe is me...

Had grumbly pains across the front of my pelvis all last night and this morning, slept for 10 hours and my ME has gone crazy. Am going to make a docs apt I think, probably paranoia but best to be on the safe side and they'll damn well just have to humour me!

Updates later...

Bump Watch@BBC 29 April 2009

"The ovary which gave up its egg continues to produce progesterone. This works on the cells on the inside of the uterus to support the pregnancy. It builds up and thickens the lining, and stimulates its production of hormones."

Er, groovy...

Feeling groovy

Despite a lack of sleep last night, I'm feeling a lot more chipper today. Except for the nausea and chronic heartburn, I'm actually feeling quite groovy this morning. How long this will last on my hormone rollercoaster, I don't know..

God Bless Tommy's...

After nearly driving myself insane, I emailed the lovely midwives at Tommy's yesterday, and had a lovely email back which has put my mind at rest IMMEASURABLY! I was concerned about a number of thibgs. Firstly, the history of disability in the family. My uncle died at three days old from Spina Bifida. My brother has numerous disabilities including Pierre Robin Syndrome and hydrocephallus (that's a fun one to spell, bet it's wrong!) I was also worried about my ME/CFS. Emma, one of the Tommy's midwives got back to me with a lovely long email, putting my mind at rest, giving me great advice and generally being fab! My top tip is if you are expecting, and not able to talk to your GP/Midwife, these guys are brilliant. They also do some great free publications... I've ordered a couple myself and will pop a review on here when they get here!

Right, better go , hamster is going nuts and my bath's going cold!

Bump Watch@BBC 28th April 2009

" Your nipples may look a little different from this time. You may be able to see tiny raised spots called Montgomery's tubercules on them, which will secrete an oily fluid to prepare your nipple skin for feeding."

Nope, same old nipples... maybe that one's in the post?

Feeling better...ish

Feeling much more positive this afternoon. Still being haunted by the miscarriage fear, but all-in-all feeling more positive on all other counts. Can't wait to get through the worry of the first three months, it never quite leaves my mind.

Hopefully we'll get there though, and get a lovely new year's baby at the end.

Tinned tomato count

I'm getting through half a tin a day of whole plum tinned tomatoes, warmed with a sprinkle of salt and pepper... yummy! So, as long as this craving lasts, I'm going to keep record.

Current can count: 3 tins Portions: 6 Duration: 1 week

I suppose at least they are good for me?

Bump Watch@BBC 27th April 2009

"Are you feeling pregnant? Your breast may feel tender, rather like the tenderness you may have mid-cycle around ovulation time."

A little, it's mainly just the nausea still!

The Waiting Game

Ask anyone, I'm not a very patient person. I HATE waiting which is why I'm extremely stressed now. Went to the docs to start the mid-wifery ball rolling, only to be told I have to wait FOURTEEN WEEKS for my first scan, that's ten weeks away! I want to cry! I was expecting an 8-10 week scan, no only a 4-6 week wait. How am I going to wait that long! Plus I've got a three week wait for the sodding midwife - and they wonder why I have high blood pressure!

The waiting in agonising, I have to wait two more months to get out of the high miscarriage risk zone, then two more weeks after that to even see it. I bet they won't give me a gender then either! Arrrrrgh!

OK, deep breaths...

Looks like I'm having a Nuchal Scan which sounds quite cool. Can't get excited though for some reason, I just feel so frustrated that I'll have to wait so long.... I need to go and have a grump... catch you later!

Alexmanian devil and Early vs Late

Al has spent the whole day tearing round tidying, sorting the flat and generally doing my tired head in (sorry Al, you rock really, I'm just tetchy!) Bless him, he's so practical, he just wants to get the flat sorted so we can move before the soon-to-be bump becomes a little screaming person. I've been wanting to leave London for soooooooo long. I love my firends but I can't cope with the expense, the hassle and the anti-socialness of London. I don't want to live somewhere where I have to commute by scooter because I get pushed off trains. I want to live somewhere where I'll actually have some money left after paying rent. I want to buy a house! I'll never do that in London, not with my shite temp salary and part-time working habits!

So basically, we want to move to the Midlands, close to both our families (build-in childcare tee hee.) However, Al's flat needs a LOT doing to it, including some electrics, new storage, new hot water system, new kitchen... argh! So tonight we are going to brainstorm all the shit that needs sorting, and that has been newly unearthed by the tidy-up - and get planning! I just wish I had the energy to match his.

I've also been thinking about how I found out I was pregnant. Most people find out when they skip a period, and that's the only physical symptom. I've not had that. I've flet sick as a dog for two weeks and took an early pregnancy test to 'rule out my paranoid notion that I might be pregnant'. I'm also rubbish and working out when I'm due on. I've no idea how long my cycle is and all that malarky. The only thing I do know was that I came on last 30th March. I don't even know if I'm late yet? It's crazy... I feel a bit cheated really, the whole waiting for a missed period thing has kind of passed me by.

The other disadvantage of knowing early is the chance of early miscarriage. Two-thirds to three-quarters of miscarriages happen in the first 12 weeks, and many non-viable pregancies miscarry around the date of your period, having previously given an early postitve pregancy test. This is haunting me at the moment. I'm terrified that essentially, I'll get my period and miscarry. This pregnancy might be accidental, but I sure as hell don't want to lose the little bean now it's here. Therefore I am stupidly paranoid of everything at the moment, questioning every back twinge and loo trip. Endless fun...

However, the fact I know so early, at just gone four weeks, means I can start looking after myself and just try and ignore the paranoid part of my brain. I started the Folic Acid today, to reduce the risk of Neural Tube defects, such as Spina Bifida. With my brother's disabilities (mostly environmental and/or non-genetic) and my uncle who died after 3 days of... (better ask mum!) I'm NOT taking any risks. I've started eating healthier and trying not to give into my hunger all the time, though I have just put away a huuuge homemade Sunday dinner.

One day on...

It all still doesn't feel very real. Al keeps making jokes about how big babies run in the family as does C-sections. Still doesn't feel very real that, should all this go OK, there's only two ways out of this, and both sound quite yukky! I can't imagine giving birth, anymore than I can imagine having a child.

Of course, on the flipside, my paranoia has gone into overdrive.I've already pondered miscarrying, still birth, post-natal depression and having a disabled child - so it's good to see the negative side of my brain has grasped the reality of this growing little bean in my belly!

On a lighter note, last night was... interesting. Never made it clubbing as Luce got attacked by some gluten and we had to take her home. The poor sod, one slightly dirty glass or a fork that's been cross-contaminated and BANG! Vomit city! Ended up back at the Hamer-Knight Civil Partnership bash, only to discover Alex had been persuded by Pinny and numerous tequila shots into a state of considerable inebriation, which led to us rowing and some of the shock manifesting in cuddles, tears and more cuddles. Much needed I think. Plus Al is very, very cute when he's crying - is that wrong?! He looks like a little boy with his big brown eyes... OK, I'll stop before I make YOU sick!

Finally, thinking of sick, morning sickness better today, but not liking the back of cars....

Bump watch @ BBC 26th April 09

"The blastocyst – formed of two collections of cells, the trophoblast and the inner cell mass – is growing and developing. The inner cell mass is forming the embryo."

Embryo... eek, that's a bit scary-real! Wow, I'm creating an embryo. This is really happening! Will blog more later, Al is pestering to go shopping, bless!

Oh...

At 7.04, Saturday 25th April 2009, two little pink lines appeared in the window of a cheap plastic stick. Oh. Not quite what I was expecting… but hey, at least it explains the two weeks of nausea…

Still not sure what I think, maybe because it’s still quite a strong chance I could early miscarry, which is quite scary. THe future how ever, much scarier. It’s terrifying thinking how I’m going to get through this with the M.E, working part time and having no money. I’ll probably have to give up my job, as I can’t scooter there pregnant (God it’s weird typing that. Pregnant. Pregnant… nope, still doesn’t feel real!) and it’ll be too exhausting getting all the way from SE London to Kings Cross for 8.30am on public transport, with a chronic illness and morning sickness! The future is bright, the future is scary!

So, why did I do the test? If I’m honest I already knew. Two weeks of nausea, back pain, stomach cramps… the practical me just pushed it down and told me I was paranoid. The romantic me was bloody thrilled mind! Why 7.00 this morning? This momentous decision was dictated by being sick of feeling sick and a volumous cat. I decided to do the test yesterday, to ‘rule out’ the possibilty. Obviously, I like a good lie in, and planned to do just that. Sadly Elsie the cat had other ideas, and started cat-a-wallling for her breakfast at a quarter to seven. So awake I was and needing the loo… and the rest is now history.

Al, bless him, has gone straight back to sleep. I wish I could. I’ve got tow parties tonight and god knows how I’m going to get through a civil partnership party and a night of cheesy clubbing having woken up this early AND not drinking AND being shattered from being pregnant. We have a lot to talk about…

Facts (TMI?):

Date of last period - 30th March 2009

Date of conception - 10th April 2009

Finally, I’m going to track the pregnancy through the BBC Pregnancy calender, based on conception date

BBC Pregnancy Calender:

You’re 5 weeks pregnant
Your baby is due on: 1 Jan 2010

25 Apr 2009 Just found out you’re pregnant? Congratulations! At the moment your baby’s a tiny ‘blastocyst’. It’s embedded into the lining of your uterus and is being nourished by your blood system.

Apt eh? It’s the only day it says that… freaky…

For example, here’s the past few days:

22 Apr 2009 Some women have a very slight bleed at this point, called implantation bleeding, but it’s much lighter than a period, and happens before your period would have arrived. 23 Apr 2009 The embedded blastocyst now starts producing a hormone – chorionic gonadotrophin. This stops you having your period, and shows in your urine. 24 Apr 2009 Try a home pregnancy test – you might be pleasantly surprised!

Oh...

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